Honesty and Me

What happens when we’re not really honest? With me, the answer is pretty easy. I’m the world’s worst liar, as my wife will readily attest. The fact that I’m able to play some descent poker despite this “tell” is a wonder to me – I’m not sure of the difference between the game and the rest of my life for me, but there obviously is one.

The bottom line is that, as healthy, functioning adults, we’re not in the business of lying. We convey what we know to be so. But sometimes we choose not to convey everything. That isn’t necessarily a lie, but choosing to withhold something of which we are aware.

At the end of the day, it’s just as bad.

We all have examples of times in which we got sunshine blown up our skirts, and ended up getting hurt because of it. Contrarily, we also have friends or loved ones in our lives that we know will always give us the straight dope, and when we really need to hear it like it is, we seek those people out.

So why do we withhold? A quick answer would be “I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.” But if you really think about, whose feelings are really being spared? I think if deeper analysis is conducted, the feelings that are being protected are our own. Ultimately, withholding is selfish, counter-productive, and potentially hurtful.

Think back to those people that give us the straight dope. Do we love them less because of their candor? No. To the contrary, their unbiased counsel is exactly why we love them.

So curtailing my withholding is a new concept I’m trying to apply to my life. Note that this does not necessarily need to be solely an external exercise. For me, personally, my bigger issue is around what I withhold from myself.

This one will require a lot more work, but hopefully I’m on the path that will allow me to address this appropriately.