Ode to a Buddy on the Occasion of His 60th Birthday

Twas a cold winter's day on the date of your birth

and for sixty long years you've trod on this earth

Career, marriage, kids, accomplishments many

But reviewing all that, well there won't be any

Instead, dear Mr. X I would  like to implore you

to drink up as we're discussing how the Gang of Four know you

I guess it all starts with softball where you weren't a feared batter

But feared in warming up, now that's a whole different matter

You'd saved your best performance after the game at the bar

Where you abused Pauly's AmEx and made me drive your car

With pheasants you'd always have trouble staying in line

And would be off following Sam at some point in time

You'd just disappear, and we'd say "what the f--k?"

But knew that eventually we'd meet at the truck

As for darts you're performance was always the same

Be it a 301 contest or that other limey game

Harder and faster, throwing darts like you're mad

Only getting worse with the more drinks that you had

And at golf we could say "brutal" is the appropriate word

Given the amount you're OB and profanity heard

But as a golf betting negotiator your skills are spectacular

Securing us strokes at best-ball (by your vernacular)

In Vegas your antics make the dealers all frown

And caused a nice Asian woman to say "Gee, guys settle down"

But you were quite harmless and only raised one stink:

"Sir, he's not gambling." "I don't care, get him a drink"

As a fishing guide, there's less fishing and more drivin'

And get the hell out the way if you call "Crazy Ivan"

You're choices on when we move, well they're not very fair

As when a guy has to poop, we'll we're staying right there

You're musical tastes, they just make me just furious

As "Shitty Song of the 70's" is your favorite on Sirius

And your baseball allegiances should be considered a sin

as I loathe my voicemail messages of "The Yankees Win"

Your hard drinking days gone, you're now kind of boring

By the time Mongo rides to town you're usually snoring

But it is all understandable - you're getting up there in age

And as you move to your 60's it's the turn to a new page

So here's to you Mr. X.  A birthday toast if I might:

May your blessing be many and your burdens be light

As you sail the uncharted waters of your 60's, go forth and have fun

or as Commander Krill might say, "Welcome to the revolution!"