The Curse of the Introvert

I'm attending an industry function these next couple of days.  I'll learn a lot, think more strategically about my business, and be able to use part of my brain that typically does not get used while mired in the day to day.

But I hate being here.

I suck at small talk.  I loathe the schmooze.  I want to be alone, or better yet, at home.  Yet here I am at a prestigious industry event, with offers and invitations for drinks and dinners galore, and I went to a crappy Chili's and ate alone.  

I am an introvert.  I have been for my whole life, but it has gotten worse as I've aged.  And I'm at my worst at events like these, when I should be at my best.  

I know with absolute certainty that my introversion has hindered my career.  There is no question that I could have got farther in much shorter time had I had the ability to be more engaged.  But it is simply something that I don't have any desire to do, and I guess I'm willing to pay the cost that comes along with it.  So while others dine at the finest restaurants in the area and create connections that may last for years, I sit in a resort hotel room and type this.

Want to know the supremely ironic part?  I'm here to speak.  The conference paid my way down here (a couple of grand when it is all said and done) as they want me to present, and odds are good that I'll do a damn good job. 

And despite having multiple invitations for dinner tomorrow - I've accepted one - I will likely look for reasons not to go. 

Damn, I hate this.