Just Can't Run This Morning

When I awoke this morning at 4:30, I was already suffering from a decided lack of motivation.  In my every other day rotation of running/going to the gym, it was a run day, and my body was having none of it.  Some days I'm eager to run - damn near giddy.  Some days it's a chore to get going.

This was way more than a chore.

Glancing at my phone, I did get my weather report, and while it was a better than usual temperature at 32 degrees, there was a 15 MPH wind from the north.  Likewise, about a half inch of snow fell and stuck on the road.  Nice if it's December.  Not so nice for April, especially for someone that got used to running in 70-degree weather last week in Florida.

Despite the lack of motivation, I got my winter gear on and my safety vest, and out the door I headed.  I started my warm-up walk and got about 50 yards down the road.  The wind at my back was cold, and I knew it'd be uncomfortable with it in my face for half my run.  Likewise, my feet were already slipping on the fresh snow, and I knew I'd be getting very little torque in such conditions.  That means a lot of work for little speed/distance.  

I turned around and headed home.  A cup of coffee and a leisurely breakfast was kicking the living tar out of my current conditions.

I made my way to the driveway, where my thoughts of coffee had been replaced with a stream of self-loathing and disappointment, so I turned around.  How many runs did I not want to do, but did them anyway and was thrilled with the results upon it ending?

Buoyed by my pep-talk / chewing out, I spun around and headed back down the road.  About ten feet into my new direction, I was hit by a big gust of north wind and found that my recently instilled motivation wasn't very strong.

Thus, I'm sitting here penning this - warm and comfy and enjoying a hell of a cup of coffee.  Still, I feel guilty and feel a failure.  I need the workout as I'm running a 5k this weekend.  Today was to be my last run ahead of the race.  While I ran on Monday (and had a great run), it will now be 5 days between runs, which is not optimal.

We'll see how it translates on race day.  For right now, it's good coffee, served with a massive side order of guilt.